Recently, several of my coaching clients have had situations where their anger was triggered to the point where it led to them being ineffective in their leadership roles. Most of them felt that their anger was justified and so they had ‘a right to be angry.’ For more than 20 years I have conducted anger management workshops for public and private sector organizations and those are the typical responses that I get from participants.
.
My response? Yes – everyone has a ‘right’ to their own emotions. Yes – their emotions may even be justified! However, if their emotions and the behaviors and actions which follow follow diminish their capacity to be effective as leaders, managers or supervisors, then some kind of analysis/evaluation needs to be done! Why? So that they can get better and more empowering outcomes for themselves and for the other person!
.
I recently came across an article by MK Mueller who seems to have coined the term ‘angergy’… anger-energy. She posited that we need to get in touch with our angergy where she claims is B.A.A.D.D.D.F.O.R.U.! (We Blame, Analyze, Apologize, Defend, Dissect, Deny, Fix, Obsess, Run (from the trigger) or Use (food, credit cards, cigarettes, alcohol, etc.) to feed or try to treat the negative emotion.
.
Another smart person has written that anger is one letter away from danger… What is that letter? “D”… danger! There is even a book entitled: Anger Kills (In my anger management seminars I outline the physiological and psychological process of how anger kills!)
.
Now, many people argue that anger can be a useful emotion… and I certainly agree. Mother Teresa started her worldwide social justice movement purportedly on a day when she was extremely angry. Dr. Martin Luther King used his anger and sense of injustice to foster change through the civil rights movement! These and other historic figures turned what could have been negative angergy into positive passion for social justice. So yes… we can use angergy for positive good.
.
So, when we realize that our energy is moving towards or is already in the danger zone we should shift ourselves – walk it out… talk it out.. write it out… move it out… sing it out… meditate it out… or pray it out. How can we use this moment for something positive… to change… and transform ourselves… our staff… our kids… our family… our community… our organization… our world? Yes… and again… ourselves…?
.
The point: Do something positive! Don’t give the anger free rein… don’t allow it to take you over… don’t allow yourself to remain stuck in the muck… don’t give it any room in the temple… don’t allow it to suck the rest of your energy… don’t allow it to make you an ineffective manager, parent, spouse or… human being.
.
Instead… let the sunshine in… put the spotlight on it and drive it out!
.
Then… and only then… begin to address the source and the trigger of the anger…
.
How long does this take? With practice… with practice… with practice… this process can take anywhere from a few days to … a few seconds!