Category Archives: Solution Focused Strategies

Depression Relief

Hint: No… it’s not another wonder drug, not a miracle patch or a new intrusive surgery procedure. And… Yes! It Works!


D
o Any Of These Experiences Sound Familiar To You?

  • Do you find yourself suffering from a persistent empty feeling over a long period of time?

  • Have you struggled with guilt and worthlessness that will not stop?

  • On a daily basis you struggle without getting any depression relief?

  • Do you ever fear the past and have constant bleak thoughts about the future?

  • Do you ever feel nervous and afraid you might lose control or go insane?

  • Do you feel utter hopelessness and believe that everything you do will turn into a failure?

  • Thinking about cutting yourself and believe that it will relieve the stress and pressure?

  • Have a difficult time making decisions and feeling irritated over the slightest things?

  • Loss of interest in activities that used to bring joy, including sex?

It’s okay. It’s not your fault. You may even suffer physical symptoms like drastic changes in your sleeping and eating patterns, constant restlessness and lacking the power to concentrate. I feel your pain as I had been a depression sufferer for over 8 years and I can confidently say it is not your fault. I can also guarantee that you can if you follow my recommendations closely you can get depression relief!

Let me tell you why you are here. You are here because you know that being clinically depressed is not the way you want to live your life. You know that by hook or by crook, there is a way for you to overcome it. Yet that solution eludes you simply because you did not experience this process of overcoming depression one step at a time. I know from personal experience that you can get depression relief with the right strategies and techniques.

You may have spent years looking for me, but I have spent the better part of my entire life looking for you to tell you this– You are “stucked” in your depression because ineffective anti-depressants and mundane psychotherapy has allowed depression to take control of your life. Depression has been your experience so long that you have begun to believe it is what you are. But it is something you have- just as for example, one has “liver disease”. But do not despair because you can get depression relief and I will show you how.

Like a liver disease, depression is perceived by many to be fueled by complex and interrelated factors: genetic, biochemical, environmental. No matter what the root cause is (in which we will discuss shortly), we have unwittingly become good at depression. We have learnt how to hide it and work around it.

We may have even achieve great things, but with constant struggle rather than satisfaction.  Relying on these methods to make it through everyday, we deprive ourselves of true recovery, of deep joy and healthy emotion, or the feeling of being alive in this world. And ultimately, things will only get worse if the root cause is not treated.

Read the rest of this article here and  Get Guaranteed Fast, Permanent, Safe Depression Relief Now!

Read about real people who have found real, lasting solutions with Depression Relief.

Coping with Emotional Pain

How to Cope With Emotional Pain

A Wikihow Article

 

Life, while mostly enjoyable, does have its ups and downs. The sun shines on the evil and the good. Pain is an inevitable part of life. Never think that you’ve been singled out for pain. We all seem to understand that physical pain takes time to subside, and as the wound or illness that caused the pain heals, the pain will ease. What we have more trouble with is realizing that emotional pain also takes time to heal.

Steps

  1. Don’t try to cure what is normal. Temporary emotional pain is caused by any number of events: death of a loved one, a breakup, thoughtlessness or cruelty on the part of others. When you’re hurting because of any of the above, accept that it’s normal to feel hurt or angry for a short time. Let’s face it: if a loved one dies, only a very cold person would be unaffected by it. If you love someone and that person dumps you, it’s natural to feel hurt. These things are normal. Trying to cure what is normal is pointless. Expect to feel pain for a while – it’s normal.
  2. There’s a statement that goes something like, ‘If you get (enter mad, hurt, insulted, offended, etc., here) it’s your fault.’ That’s just not true. That suggests that people don’t love, or bond, or trust, or invest emotions. If you have emotional pain, there’s a reason for it.
  3. Don’t pretend you don’t feel it. The pain is real. You have to address it, or you will never get beyond it. Don’t try to rush through this season of pain. Even though all you can really think about is ending the pain, the truth is that just allowing yourself the feelings is important. Masking your pain when you’re trying to work or just get through each day may be necessary to a point, but make sure to allow yourself some “me-time” – some time to allow yourself to really feel all of the feelings you are having, rather than just suppressing and denying them.
  4. Identify all of your feelings. Are you just heartbroken? Or are you angry, too? Maybe just the tiniest bit relieved – which is also making you feel guilty? Do you feel betrayed? Insecure? Afraid? Giving some thought to exactly how you are feeling can be very helpful in processing all of your emotions in the wake of a traumatic or life-changing event.

 

To get FAST help for depression: Click Here!

.Depresion Steps

More Steps:

  1. Endure it. Things that cannot be cured must be endured. It sounds obvious, but sometimes, thinking of emotional pain as if it were physical pain can be very helpful. Think of your broken heart just as if it were your arm that is broken instead. A broken arm takes time to heal, and it hurts like crazy just after it’s broken, even after it’s been set and casted. A few days later, it doesn’t hurt so much. But weeks or even months later, if you bump or jar it, that pain can come roaring back to life with a vengeance. You baby it a little, take care not to aggravate it, and eventually, it’s stronger where it was broken than it was before. You have no choice – you can’t cut off the arm. That won’t make it hurt any less. You just have to endure it while it heals.
  2. Talk to someone. There are times when it seems that the hurt you feel inside is just too deep to talk about. You feel like no one could understand. Or maybe you worry because your loved ones didn’t share your feelings about whatever it is that’s hurting you. Maybe they didn’t care for your boyfriend, whom you just broke up with, or they didn’t know your friend, who passed away. You may be right – they may not totally understand. But right now, it isn’t being understood that you need. It’s compassion. Your family and friends love you. They see you hurting and want to help. Sometimes, if you will just try to talk out your feelings, say something about what hurts, it can help start your healing. Letting someone put his or her arm around you and hearing them say, “It’s going to be okay” may not seem that helpful, but it really is, because it helps you feel you’re not totally alone. Realizing that someone wants to be there for you will help.
  3. Don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings aren’t real. They are real, significant, and important. And, they’re your feelings. Feeling alone doesn’t mean there is no one around. Feeling sad doesn’t mean you’ll never be happy. Feel your feelings, think your thoughts, but realize they’re just feelings and thoughts.
  4. Get your mind off yourself and how bad you feel. You have the right to feel sorry for yourself – for 10 minutes. Then move on. No exceptions. Go out with friends. Tell yourself that you will not talk about your pain for more than a few minutes – you will not bring down the activity by wallowing in it. Don’t let your friends walk on egg shells around you just because you’ve been traumatized. You still need to live. Distract yourself by just forgetting it for a little while. If you’re grieving a death, or heartbroken over a breakup, especially, giving yourself a little time to just be without obsessing on the event that hurts will help you to heal and move past it. That’s not to say that you just forget about it and move on – no. It’s only to say that even grief needs to take a breather. Give your weary heart a little respite, and let it mend with the love and lightness of heart that comes from being with friends, or doing something that brings you pleasure. There will be time to cry again, but not just now.
  5. Allow time to heal. This is part of just enduring. You will need to muster up the patience to allow healing to commence. There isn’t any substitute for just … waiting. Time requires one thing: that you allow it to pass. Getting past emotional pain requires a grieving process, which takes time.
  6. Don’t let your pain define you. Remember you are greater than this hard time, you have a past and a future. You have awareness and creativity. This was a single episode which will soon pass.
  7. Write a letter. Writing down your feelings can help you to sort them out. It can help more if you use positive “I messages” instead of negative ones. If you don’t write, talk about your feelings with someone close or a therapist. Don’t justify them, just talk about them, get them out, and listen to what you say.
  8. Stay away from statements that blame you or others. Take responsibility for your actions, and your part of whatever went wrong, but do not indulge in blaming. The question of “And whose fault is/was that?” does not apply.
  9. Develop a learning orientation. Life hands you difficulties so you can learn from them. People who have really easy lives fall apart when bad things happen because they have never learned how to cope or let things roll off their backs. Everything, even very painful times, can be used to learn better coping skills and to develop wisdom and perspective about life that will help you deal with many difficulties in the future. Whatever doesn’t destroy you can serve to make you stronger.
  10. Make a ‘Thankfulness List’. Write down what you are thankful for, even basic things like having clothes and a warm place to sleep, then moving to people who care for you, and good things in your life. Being thankful is naturally healing and will balance out any trauma over time.
  11. If the pain is lasting more than a week or so, or you’ve lost hope or you’re thinking of suicide, you’re either suppressing your pain or you have deeper unresolved issues that you need to complete. The strategies above are healthy ways to deel with emotional pain. Often as kids, we didn’t use these strategies and instead incorporate the pain into our character, our subconscious. Said another way, when we’re young, it’s easy to let emotional pain define you. Often this needs to be undone, teased apart and handled in a healthy manner for us to be free. If a current incident upsets you too much or for too long, or your whole life is colored by a negative outlook, consider getting some help to unearth, re-examine and complete a prior incident.

 

To get help for depression REAL FAST: Click Here!

 

Tips

  • It’s normal to feel hurt or pain for some time after an event. How much time is up to you. Don’t let others rush or pressure you into “getting over it” on some timetable. But if you feel hopeless, or helpless, and this feeling doesn’t improve over time, but instead seems to linger, seek professional help. Emotional injury can lead to depression, which can be treated – don’t let yourself continue a downhill slide indefinitely. You should reach a peak or plateau, and things should start to turn around. You shouldn’t just feel like you’re continuing down, down, down.
  • Watch out for addiction to drama. You can get a lot of attention when things get bad – but it’s not healthy to keep working your friends for attention to your dramas. It can be hard to give up the experience of having people sympathize as you tell how bad it is, but drama can become a way of life that sucks all the good feelings out of your relationships. If you find yourself telling the same story over and over again, or similar stories where you are the victim and someone else is the villain, it’s time to get a handle on yourself!

Need Real Fast HELP with Depression? Click Here!

Article provided by a wiki how-to manual:  www.wikihow.com 

Fight the Fear

Negative emotions such as jealousy, anger and frustrations have a great impact on our daily lives. In many ways and for many people this impact is outside of our day to day awareness. These emotions impact our physical and mental health, they impede our abilities to fulfill our deepest desires and are often at the root of behaviors and actions that we wish that we (and others) would soon forget.

No emotion is as widely impactful as fear. When one peels back the dark curtains of other emotions we can see that fear is often there lurking in the darkness behind anger, jealousy, hate, anxiety and worry.

But what is fear? According to some online sources, “fear is a distressing negative sensation induced by a perceived threat.” It is also described as a “basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific situation” such as the threat of danger. In short, “fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or flight – response).”

Yes, the response to threats of danger is apparently an ancient internal mechanism that humans developed to prepare them for flight or to fight. However, these days, we are no longer threatened by saber tooth tigers roaming around in the night outside of our huts or by poisonous snakes slithering through the underbrush around our feet… at least very few of us live in those circumstances today.

The world has been transformed by humans and we have evolved.

Well… our fear has also evolved. We now experience the same levels of fear of the saber tooth tiger that we had 15,000 years ago… but we experience it at the thought of situations such as losing our jobs! That same level of fear where there was a direct threat to our lives… has now been transformed to a perceived threat to our circumstances. For example, losing our jobs would mean losing our homes and our nice cars. It would mean that we would lose our place in society and that others would now look down on us… rather than up to us. It would mean that our kids would have to go to public schools and that we might have to shop at the public market instead of the upscale supermarket.

Notice the significant difference between the fear of the clear and present danger of the saber tooth tiger prowling around outside our door – and the perceived danger that we may lose our jobs and may lose our homes and may lose… Well I hope you get the picture. We are frightened, anxious and worried about events that have not yet occurred. And that fright, anxiety and worry is at times at the same levels as those that we once had of saber tooth tigers.

In fact, scientists are of the view that we are now more afraid of losing our jobs than we were of the saber tooth tiger. And not only are we more afraid… the fear is more pervasive. We are afraid day in and day out… every week and every month. Our fear is triggered when we hear on the news that such and such company in the next state has closed. We are scared out of our wits when we look at increasing taxes and our diminishing paychecks. And, we are scared when we hear of bankruptcies… not of individuals… not of companies… but of countries! Is our country next? What does that mean for me… for my family… for my lifestyle… for my future… for my dreams… ???

Have I triggered your fear? Don’t blame me… it was just under the surface anyway.

So what do we do about the fear that is our constant companion lurking outside the back door of our consciousness?

Here are some suggestions:

  1. Awareness. I hope that reading this article will trigger the awareness of how much fear is deeply entrenched in your feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Awareness and recognition is the first level of any successful change in your life. Think carefully and deeply about all of your important decisions and actions within the last week, month, year and going back even further. Ask yourself: “What role did fear play in those?” Be honest! What is at the root of your fears?
  2. Acknowledgement.  Whatever your answers were to the foregoing questions, they are not as important as your next step. Face your fear… whatever it is. Make a commitment now… “I will face my fear. I will look it right in the eye… and embrace it. I am afraid of…. I have been afraid of… I am facing my fear of…”
  3. Commitment and Intention. “I am facing my fear… and I intend to keep facing it fully. I will not let it slip quietly by. I will no longer allow it to lurk in the dark behind my actions and decisions. I will acknowledge it is there… I will face it… and I will fight it… starting now. I will no longer live my life by fear… I will not take flight from my fright… I will fight the fright.”
  4. Attention. Now you must pay attention to all of your feelings, thoughts, decisions and actions. You must constantly be on the lookout for the fear that will sneak back to taint what you think and what you do. Attentiveness means that a part of you must always be on guard… like a security sentinel… watching for that intruder named fear… And when you find it… and use the spotlight to reveal its presence you must banish it. “What was the reasoning behind that decision? What was the real reason…? What am I afraid of as I make this decision or take this action? How would I act if fear was not present? What would I do differently if I wasn’t worried or anxious?”  Let’s put those questions differently: How would I have responded or acted if I was confident and assured? If I had all the confidence in the world, what would I do differently?”
  5. Release and Let it go. You are now aware of the fear that lurked in the dark recesses of your mind and emotions… You have now acknowledged its presence… and you have exposed it to the light… and you are now facing your fear fully. You have made a commitment to fight your fear and have stated that as a powerful intention. You have been paying attention to your thoughts and actions – and you have been digging away at your hidden fears and peeling back all of their hiding places. You have begun asking questions about assuredness and confidence and about how your life would be different. Now you must move forward and ask a different question when you find any fear in your life. When you find a fear lurking inside your head or your gut… ask yourself: “Can I let this fear of _____ go?” If the answer is no… “How soon can I let it go?” And you must keep that internal dialogue going… Until you get a clear yes to your internal question.
  6. Awareness. Look at your internal life now. How are you feeling now versus when you started on this journey. Pay attention to and become aware of your internal growth and notice how you have changed. Minor changes are often times more important than massive changes because they portend a shift from the past to the future. Acknowledge the minor positive changes and resolve to keep the process going. Resolve that you will continue to challenge fear and instead live a life based on confidence, self-trust, and embracing the future.
  7. Energy. All of the above steps will take a lot of energy and passion. It will take sustained energy to face your fear and to keep paying attention to the minor and major ways it has inhibited you in the past. It will also take sustained energy to maximize the small positive minor wins that you will begin to experience so that you can grow them into massive emotional, attitudinal and behavioral changes in your life.
  8. Passion for Life. All of us have a passion for life. We exhibit that passion in different ways. When you release your fear and begin the process of let it go – forever – you will now uncover what you have always wanted to do! And with renewed energy, your zeal will flow through like the sun shining through after a week of black clouds… You will begin to do things that you never thought you could but always wanted to… you will surprise yourself… and everyone around you.

Feel the fear… face the fear… fight the fear… Release the fear… and life your life passionately – forevermore!

If you need more information or more recommendations, click on the resources below.

                                                     

Regain Emotional Health – Make up after the break up

Breaking up with someone who you have deep feelings for can be one of the most devastating emotional events that you will ever experience. It can unravel your emotional health fast! You will experience emotional pain, bitterness, anger, sadness and more! You may even be angry at yourself for feeling the way you do. Sounds familiar? What about the following scenario?

Zzzzziiiiiip…CRASH!…and then the shattering sound of glass as Deidre hurls Al’s       Playstation 3 from the 2nd story apartment window…followed by a shrill and sobbing  “GET       OUT!…GET OUT!…GET OooooUT!”

See,  IT WAS THE LAST STRAW! Even though Al loved Deidre with all his heart…he had lied so often… had ignored Deidre so much that she just reached her boiling point that hot, muggy summer afternoon.

And Al did get out. Deidre was serious. She had had enough of Al’s ways. See, Al was a good guy…a great guy even…he cared deeply and loved Deidre…and Deidre knew it too…but that wasn’t her problem.  She was sick of feeling unappreciated…and  Al just didn’t know what would make her happy anymore. He didn’t know how to wipe the slate clean…or start over…

And this WAS the end of Deidre and Al…forever…As it is the end of so many relationships…

What if it didn’t have to be? What if you didn’t have to put your emotional health in jeopardy?

What if you could recapture your ex lovers mind, heart and soul?…Wipe the slate clean? Turn back time? Even if you feel right now that your situation is too far gone…too screwed up …or just plain too darn complicated? What if you can regain your feelings of personal satisfaction regarding your relationship? What if you can smile, sing, hold hands, feel joyful… in other words – fully regain your emotional health towards this relationship?

Want to know more? Click here now!

Click Here!

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse leaves little or no physical scars. Its victims suffer no black eyes, broken bones, torn flesh or spilled blood. Still, those who are emotionally beaten down might describe it as the most painful and destructive form of domestic violence.

While statistics are elusive, experts agree that emotional abuse—for mostly women, but some men as well—have reached epidemic proportions. And despite its everyday occurrence, few of us recognize it, identify it or even do anything about it.

Here are a few questions that might help you recognize it:

  • Are you walking on egg shells around your partner or spouse?
  • Are you worried, anxious or nervous about your partner’s attitudes or moods?
  • Are you concerned about you’re their criticism, sarcasm, frowns, glares, gestures, silence or other behaviors?
  • Are you concerned that they will withdraw or give you the cold shoulder?
  • Do you feel tense when you hear the car pull up in the garage and hear the door open and your partner comes home?
  • Does your partner uses economic, sexual or other power tactics to control you?
  • Are you happy and feel free when you are alone?
  • Do you think that if you tried harder that things will be better?
  • Are you mostly defensive about your actions? Are your reactions on automatic pilot?
  • Do you sometimes feel trapped in your relationship?

So what is the impact of emotional abuse?

Here are a few that are easily recognized. The emotionally abused individual will exhibit:

  • Loss of self-esteem and self-confidence
  • Increasing levels of self-doubt leading to the inability to make normal life decisions
  • Signs of anxiety and depression
  • Inner fear and anxiety that he/she ‘is losing it’
  • Loss of enthusiasm for life, decreased involvement in normal social activities, and decreased involvement with friends
  • Feeling of a loss of power and control over one’s life
  • Development of a very critical internal voice
  • A desire to avoid, escape, or run away
  • A false sense of hope that ‘everything will be OK’ when…
  • Increasing self-blame for everything that goes wrong
  • Pervasive feeling of ‘not being good enough’
  • Defensive of the ‘other person’ to friends who ask questions and show concern

What can victims of emotional abuse do?

Here are some suggestions:

  • Reach out to other people who you know care.
  • Read a good book on the subject as a form of bibliotherapy. See my article on this subject here.
  • Realize that you cannot change your partner… you can only change how your respond.
  • Develop a list of how you are affected by the emotional abuse.
  • Get professional assistance.
  • Make the decision to deal with the situation.
  • Develop your internal emotional and cognitive strengths and focus on emotional health.
  • Emergence of mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.
  • Change your self-talk from self-criticism to self-empowerment.
  • Look at your own behaviors and decide what you need to change and what new behaviors you need to adopt.
  • Decide on what you want and how you want to live your life.
  • Decide on and then set some personal boundaries and clear expectations for the other person to change their behaviors. Also describe the consequences.
  • Follow through on your decisions.
  • Make an internal commitment on your ultimate decision if the person does not change. In other words, are you willing to say goodbye to the person and hello to a new, more vibrant life?

At this blog we recommend tens of books that will help you through the process of confronting the emotional abuse and then starting to move towards emotional health. Here are some that we specifically recommend to help with emotional abuse.

                                                         

Emotional Wounds

We are a wounded people. In this largely uncaring world, people are hurt from exploitation and victimization. People everywhere are experiencing all kinds of rape and trauma: racial, financial, political, organizational and sexual. Children are abused. Marriages are broken. Tragedies of all kinds – natural and man-made – afflict all of us. And many of these ‘wounds’ cut deep and last beyond a lifetime.

In many cases, emotionally wounded people are victims of the criminal, hurtful, or selfish actions of others. In other cases the emotionally wounded have self-inflicted wounds and are victims of their own hardheaded, addictive or narcissistic actions. The outcome is the same regardless of the source. People are emotionally wounded! And so they struggle with crippling emotions such as anxiety, anger, fear, desperation, shame and guilt, hatred, depression, and low self-esteem.

The pain of such emotions is often present with us even though the incidents and relationships that caused the hurt may be long past. We have difficulty with our relationships – even those within our own households. On the job, we can’t get along with colleagues. We fight with our neighbors – whether they are next door, around the corner, in the next county – or in the next country. Politically – there are fights everywhere: neighbor against neighbor; family against family; country against country.

Our emotional wounds show in the insanity of our public and private actions. What else can explain a father raping his daughter or a mother killing her kids? What else can explain a priest sexually abusing young children? What else can explain a politician raping his country of the financial resources earmarked for those who need it most in his country? What else can explain caregivers who exploit the elderly and the disabled? Those people – the perpetrators of those disgusting and horrible actions – are themselves emotionally wounded.

Caution! Think carefully before you decide that because you are not in this dastardly group and you therefore are not emotionally wounded!

Not everyone who is emotionally wounded abuse or hurt others to the degree that those described above do. Most people who are emotionally wounded do not abuse children and are not involved in any kind of rape – financial, political or sexual. Most appear to live ‘normal’ lives. Their emotional wounds and hurt are hidden deep on the inside… and only shows itself to the trained analyst and the expert eye. But those emotional wounds do wreak havoc with their lives and the lives of those closest to them.

What are some of the symptoms?

  • Addiction to approval and people pleasing
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Gambling
  • Manipulation of others
  • Lust for control and power
  • Possessiveness
  • Extreme selfishness, disloyalty and self-centeredness
  • Lashing out at and hurting others without any visible signs of regret
  • Eating disorders
  • Kleptomania
  • Shopping addiction
  • High levels of anxiety
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Emotional numbness
  • Overly sensitive
  • Intensely secretive
  • Very little patience or tolerance for others
  • Shame and guilt
  • Nightmares
  • Rage and hatred – including self-hatred – and anger towards themselves
  • Depression
  • Sense of hopelessness leading to suicidal thoughts and gestures.
  • Phobias
  • Obsessive compulsive disorders
  • Irrational expectations (stated and unstated) of others
  • Abusive behavior including child abuse
  • It shows up in their children who exhibit emotional pain by being abusive and violent; children who use drugs and become involved in anti-social and delinquent activities.

As you can see emotional wounds are a fact of life and is exhibited all around us.

There is hope, however, for those who think that they are alone in their suffering. Despite emotional and psychological wounds – there are things that they can do individually and collectively to heal the emotional wounds and improve their overall emotional health. People with emotional wounds need a lot of things.

Here are a few of the many tasks:

  • They must acknowledge that they need help. This may be difficult for those who believe that their situation is hopeless. It could also be difficult for those who are intensely secretive.
  • They need intensive and clinically sophisticated help through counseling and psychotherapy with expert clinicians.
  • They need to feel a sense of hope. This will start them on their journey towards healing.
  • They must express themselves, to talk and be listened to. In this endeavor, they need to hear themselves from the inside and at the deepest levels of their psyche. Talk-therapy could be enhanced with expressive therapy whereby the individual is allowed to express themselves in myriads of ways with the guidance of an experienced professional. In this regard, any therapeutic intervention would have to take into account the dynamic, sensitive, tenuous and potentially dangerous nature of the therapeutic process for people suffering from deep emotional trauma.
  • They must accept that time does not heal emotional wounds or scars! Then they need to give themselves permission to let go of the past and heal from the inside out.
  • If codependency is a factor, they need to begin recovery and healing and develop awareness in the many ways that this is a feature in their lives.
  • They must uncover and then deal with the shadow parts of themselves which remain hidden from their conscious minds.

There are many resources that can help people who are suffering from emotional wounds.

Here are a few.