For most people Valentine’s Day is a very special day when they both receive and show love. But for others, it is a day of pain, renewed grief, loneliness and sadness. February 14th can trigger feelings of loss, inadequacy, low self-esteem, disconnection, emptiness, rejection and questions about one’s place in the world. This special day can be the time when some people need to focus on their emotional health.
According to Dr. Laura Slap Sheldon, “It is hard to keep ones heart open when it has been hurt and traumatized by a loss.” Valentine’s Day can also be difficult for those who are single, separated or divorced. Not only can it be difficult, it may be cruel when you see your colleagues in the office receiving roses, hear them talking about the gifts that they are purchasing for loved ones, or when you notice TV ads for roses and fine jewelry.
According to Psychology Today, humans need connection to others in order to thrive and be happy. So when Valentine’s Day comes around and triggers feeling of loneliness and disconnection, it can signal the need for the individual to focus on emotional healing. Research shows that people with a stronger social support network are happier, recover more quickly from surgery and disease, and are at lower risk for depression.
Thus feelings of sadness, loneliness, loss or inadequacy around Valentine’s Day (or on any day of the year) are signs that you need to find ways to heal your hurt, heal your emotions and heal your heart! When Cupid’s Valentine arrows miss the heart – it is time for emotional healing to start!
Here are some tips from Dr. Laura S. Brown, professor of psychology at Argosy University/Seattle on how to handle depression and other emotional health issues during the week leading up to Valentine’s Day:
1. Do not define yourself by your relationship status. Your relationship status is not your identity.
2. If you are single because of a recent loss, allow this to be a day of grieving. Do not pretend that it’s not a hard day. Get support and sympathy.
3. Realize that Valentine’s Day is a commercial holiday. It is not about love and relationships; it is about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry. Think of all the money you are saving.
4. Plan well in advance to do something that will not place you in the path of billing and cooing couples. Even if you usually like dining out alone, do something else on Valentine’s Day.
5. Get together with people who do love you — friends, family members, the people who already have relationships with you.
6. If you are single and you don’t want to be, start now to think about what is in the way of you creating the relationship you want. Find ways to work on becoming the person your dream partner would fall in love with. Start therapy. Take up yoga. Begin to volunteer. Create art. Make meaning. Act to change the world. It is into the fullest lives that love is most likely to fall.
7. If you are single and you like it, now is the time to affirm your choice. People who never marry or partner have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives worth living. Do not let a couple-driven culture define your choice as something wrong.
Here are some other resources you might find helpful: Click on the images for more information!
